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Jot What You Feel

"Jot what you feel" is a blog about fortuitous moments and thoughts we all experience and weaving them into words with the right touch of emotion. This blog is composed of relatable experiences, poems, and quotes (Hindi and Urdu). Allow yourself to be consumed by this blog and you'll begin yearning for more.

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 She was a sunrise, a splash of pastel beauty in his monochrome world. He, a lonely lighthouse, a beacon in the tempest of her life. Two hearts, beating in rhythm, yet dancing to different tunes.

Her life was the city, the noise of car horns and ringing telephones. His world was the sea, the symphony of waves crashing against the shore, the mournful cry of seagulls. Her dreams were high-rises and neon lights. His were open skies and the sound of the ocean.

Their eyes met at a train station, two souls adrift in time. His gaze was as deep as the ocean he loved. Her eyes twinkled with the city’s relentless energy. A wordless conversation, a connection formed in silence.

In her eyes, he saw home. In his, she found peace. Yet, they were planets in parallel universes, their orbits destined never to cross. “Maybe in another life,” he whispered as the train pulled away, taking her back to her city. The words hung in the air, a plea to the universe, a wish for their impossible love.

Years passed; seasons changed. The city swallowed her, and the sea claimed him. But their hearts remained untouched, fossilized memories of a train station encounter. 

One day, a letter arrived, a bridge between two worlds. “The city is too loud,” it read, “and I yearn for the music of the sea.” 

And just like that, the universe bent, their parallel lines converged. She came on the next train, leaving the city behind for the peace of the sea. His lighthouse, no longer lonely, now bathed in the ray of her sunshine. 

They held each other, two pieces finally falling into place. The sea serenaded them with a lullaby for their love. “Maybe in another life,” he whispered again. But this time, it was a prayer of gratitude, a testament to their improbable story.

Together, they danced under the open sky, their hearts beating as one, singing the same tune at last.




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You dreamt of arranging love, hope, and life with him in one single story. You envisioned everything carefully and even framed it beautifully on the wall of your tender heart. You, him, love, life, and peace. Perfect.
He promised you with the words you still hold closest to your heart (endeavoring to decipher the real meaning behind those unwavering words because you thought you couldn't fathom them the way they should've been). Knowing your gullibility, he made you believe that no matter how hard it gets, he'd try to sink as deeper into the most unexplored parts of your heart as he could just to make you smile.
You respected his promises and loved him even more for making them. Little did you know that "promises" need to be replaced with "strenuous efforts" and "trying" with "earnest endeavoring." Else, everything together starts drifting apart. That's what you were most afraid of but eventually happened.
More than a journey or a destination, it's always the company that mattered to you. Misunderstanding, fighting, empathizing, understanding, fixing, staying but not leaving, mattered to you. But nothing of that sort happened; and gradually, the profound love from your side, and the idea of love from his side, disappeared into thin air.
That juncture didn't just break you but tore you apart mercilessly. Now you've become vulnerable, and you genuinely need someone who can wash you over with the needed waves of emotions and stir your soul with the real heart (not disguised). But you're not embracing anything at this moment.
And now if one shares the beautiful moment of their relationship, you advise them to not get attracted to and fooled by decorative conversations with deserted meanings because you don't want them to endure the pain you did and suffer the same way. And, that's truly understandable.
Healing takes time, and you've all the right to take all the time you need. Let your body, your soul feel all the emotions deeply coming from that painful experience and breathe them out in the air. Release that pain from your being.
Accept that you're supposed to meet a few cowards before you meet someone brave enough to wholly love you. And one fine day, you're going to experience true love in its truest sense, and that feeling will take you into the realm of magic.
P.S: Love isn't a "once-in-a-lifetime" kinda thing; it can happen again and again, and when it does, all you should do is have a little bit of faith and let it in! Remember, love is only a fluttering heartbeat away!




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मेरी आँखें ख़ामोश और गहरी थी किसी समंदर की तरह,
तुम भी तो बेबाक़ थी बिल्कुल किसी छोटे बच्चे की तरह,
हम दोनों ही कितनी बेफ़िक्री से बेपरवाही से एक दूसरे को एक दूसरे में समेटे थे।

फिर एक रोज़ कुछ लहरों ने उस खामोश समंदर को झकझोरा,
और तुम्हारे तहारत को भी अपने साथ ले गया।

फिर क्या था,

तुम भी थोड़ी भटक गयी, मैं भी शायद कहीं खो सा गया था,
क्या था कुछ भी नहीं बस हम दोनों कहीं और थे और वो वक़्त कहीं और का ही हो गया था।
फिऱ शायद इश्क़ नहीं था बस एक दूसरे की चाहत थी,
और उस शब्द के ख्याल से हम दोनों को मोहब्बत थी।

बात बस थी यही कि बात कुछ थी नहीं,
तुम थी, मैं था, और बस कुछ गलतफहमियां,

कुछ दूरियाँ थी, कुछ नज़दीकियाँ,
कुछ उलझे हुए से ख्यालात भी थे,
समेट के सब कुछ हिसाबों में,
बिखेर दिए थे हम दोनों ने कड़वे अल्फ़ाज़ों में,
कुछ ऐसे से हालात थे।

कुछ बेबस से मंज़र थे, कुछ अनकहे जज़्बात थे,
और बस हम दोनों ही अनजान थे।
कुछ गलतियाँ भी थी, तुम्हारी, मेरी,
और इस कायनात की जिसने ये सब साजिशें रची होंगी,

हम बहुत कुछ थे, पर शायद और रहना नहीं चाहते थे।
फिर क्या था कुछ नहीं ,
हम दोनों ही एक दूसरे में उसको ढूंढने में लग गए,
जो था ही नहीं मौजूद वहाँ।

बात बस थी यही कि बात कुछ थी नहीं,
वो वक़्त हमारे बस में नहीं था,
और ना ही एक दूसरे पे कोई हक रह गया था,

बात बस थी यही कि बात कुछ थी नहीं,
बस वक़्त गलत था, हालात गलत थे,
और शायद थोड़े मैं और तुम भी।

"क़ाश जब तुम्हारी सारी बातें मेरी थी, और मेरी सारी बातें तुम्हारी, ये वक़्त वहीं ठहर जाता,
क़ाश मैं एक बार फ़िर गुज़रता तुम्हारी गली से और तुम देखती मुझे अपनी छत से,

क़ाश एक दफ़ा फ़िर हम दोनों चोरी से आँखें मिलाके ख़ामोशी में मुस्कुराते,
क़ाश तुम्हारे और मेरे लिए हुए मोड़ हमें एक ही जगह ले आते,

क़ाश तुम थोड़ा रुक पाती और मैं रोक पाता,
क़ाश जाते समय तुमने मुझे और मैंने तुम्हें एक दफ़ा और मुड़ के देख लिया होता,

क़ाश यादें हमसे ना रूठती और हमारे बीच 'कुछ' होते हुए भी सब कुछ ना टूटता,
क़ाश मैं थोड़ा कमज़ोर पड़ जाता, और ख़ामोशी की जगह अल्फ़ाज़ों को देदी होती।"

क़ाश उन सारे काशों में बस कोई एक क़ाश गर क़ाश ना होता,
तो शायद उन कई तमाम अधूरी कहानियों में एक मुक़म्मल किस्सा हमारा भी होता, काश।

क़ाश


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"Perhaps, the difference between what is miserable and that, which is spectacular, lies in the leap of faith." ~ Sushant Singh Rajput (21 Jan 1986 - Forever)


The good thing about a bad movie is that IT ENDS. The bad thing about a good movie is that IT ENDS. 

My heart skipped a beat when I first grasped the feeling that 'Dil Bechara' is going to be Sushant Singh Rajput's last ever movie. Initially, I decided not to watch it because deep within, I knew that watching it in the absence of Sushant, is going to be an extremely troublesome and emotionally high journey for me.

But, apparently, I consoled myself, plucked up my heart, and watched 'Dil Bechara' in one go. I get a heavy lump in my throat when I think of that 100 minutes - one of the toughest minutes for me to sit through. The movie starts with Sushant's self-written musing that reads, "Perhaps, the difference between what is miserable, and that, which is spectacular, lies in the leap of faith." And that's exactly what 'Dil Bechara' does to you; it makes you take that leap of faith.

The best thing about the movie is the most beautiful, purest, and deepest relationship that blossoms between Kizie Basu (Sanjana Sanghi) and Immanuel Rajkumar Junior, aka Manny (Sushant Singh Rajput). Their relationship depicts how two ordinary people effortlessly happen to make an extraordinary love story. Their bond gracefully exemplifies young love and two souls who are empathizing and connecting as life plays its wicked oscillating games giving them a chance only momentarily to live and love with absolute abandon when both suffering from a terminal illness, Kizie with Thyroid Cancer and Manny with Osteosarcoma.


I had an overwhelming rush of emotions that kept on swaying whenever Sushant Singh Rajput appeared in the frame. However, at the very same time, I had a subconscious thought in my mind that this is the last time I am seeing this contagious smile on screen, and that was the most dreadful feeling for me. 

If I talk about scenes, there is not just one; there are oodles that have left me heavy-hearted. Manny (Sushant) outshined in most of the sensitive moments.

  • You (Manny) always looked at the positives (even when surrounded by dread) and were well-aware of the inevitability of grief and death.
  • You appeared as a convivial fighter who showed us a window to life's reality, the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and life and death.
  • You were the one who made Kizie smile merely through your wit moments and made her fall in love with herself.
  • You were the one who initiated to complete Kizie's favorite unfinished song.
  • You were the one who reminded Kizie's father that even if her dreams might seem silly, they are still worth endeavoring for. 
  • You were the one who falteringly tried to convince everyone that you're not scared of anything in life.
  • You were the one who found satisfaction in other people's happiness and never wanted others to sympathize or feel sadness for you.
The journey to seek answers in 'Dil Bechara' begins with an unfinished song 'Main Tumhara' created by an artist named Abhimanyu Veer (Saif Ali Khan) in the movie, but originally created by A.R. Rahman, which is going to stay with me for quite a long time. The prophetic line will surely leave a sense of introspection within you. 

When Kizie and Manny go to Paris to meet Abhimanyu Veer to get the answer to that unfinished song. They try to initiate the conversation, asking him about his artistic urges, but Abhimanyu continues to turn their questions into unwanted jokes and an unpleasant demeanor. Manny then insults the singer, who blurts, "It's illegal to kill yourself, so you've to live," and that scene remains with you. Saif Ali Khan's special appearance pointedly restates the impact of a void left by a sudden loss. The scene where Abhimanyu (Saif Ali Khan) states for his song to be incomplete is something deep and memorable to watch.


You'll surely be moved by another scene where Kizie's father says that her dream is a bit silly. To which, Manny replies "When I was operated on and told my dad, please don't cut my leg and he said the same thing don't be silly, I might act silly, but that one incident changed my entire life. After the surgery, I used to play basketball, but I didn't have the same magic in me, when I used to jump I didn't enjoy flying, and losing a game was completely justified. I wanted to run but didn't know why I was running; there was a feeling of incompleteness within just like Abhimanyu Veer's unfinished song. I dream big sir, I really do but don't feel like fulfilling them, but when I see Kizie's dream, even if she's a small one, I really feel like fulfilling it. I know it's a bit silly, going to Paris in this condition is a bit silly, but fulfilling Kizie's dream, that silliness is unparalleled." That scene merely left me teary-eyed. 

Another scene that hit me really hard was when Manny looked teary-eyed into Kizie's eyes and asked her, "We'll live like this, right? Always." And that's where you realize you can only comfort someone with a resounding 'YES' as Kizie did, but deep inside, you never really know. It's something inevitable; you can't escape it.

Watching the last 30 minutes of the movie is the hardest thing to grasp. You can't help but uncontrollably sob because you know the fate of the love story between Kizie and Manny.

Just like another good movie, I didn't want this one to end; I wanted Manny to take Kizie on another date and open an imaginary door one more time, and take her to the beautiful view one more time. But it ended just like other good things in life, and Manny left us all just like a good movie. 


Manny left behind life lessons that will lighten up every dark corner with a beaming light as radiant as his smile. 'Dil Bechara' clearly imparts several life lessons in many ways and the constant need of humans to seek answers for everything.

Dil Bechara was one of the most painful yet beautiful experiences of my life, I must say. 

The movie has ended, but your legacy will live forever. Seri, Sushant?
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भीड़ में देखे हर चेहरे उदास क्यों लगते हैं?

क्यों कुछ तन्हाई और कमियां दिल में नज़र आती हैं?

क्यों कभी-कभी रात के सुकून में भी शोर सा नज़र आता है?

और क्यों कभी दिन के शोर में सब ख़ामोश सा लगता है?

क्यों हम दूसरे शख़्स में अपनी खुशियाँ ढूंढ़ते हैं?

क्यों खुद के आँसुओं का कारण बनते हैं?

हाथों से फ़िसलते हाथों को देखकर क्यों दिल दुख सा जाता है?

क्यों जागते हैं रातों को एक शख़्स के इंतेज़ार में?

और क्यों दूसरे ही पल बिल्कुल टूट से जाते हैं?

क्यों दूसरी सुबह एक नई सी लगने लगती है?

क्यों कभी खुद की ही मंज़िल धुंधली सी मालूम पड़ती है?

क्यों हर टूटते तारों से ख़्वाहिशें पूरी होने की उम्मीद करते हैं?

क्यों ये दिल कभी बेचारा सा बन जाता है?

और क्यों ये साँसें कभी-कभी दूसरों की लगने लगती हैं?

क्यों


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She looked no less than a princess out of a fairytale that day in her bridal gown, the moment I dreamt of her becoming mine had fortunately come,


The 'father' in a church then asked us to kiss; I smiled my slightly formed dimpled smile and the tears of happiness fell not from my eyes, but from my heart.


Those tears were wordless, yet they did utter my emotions perfectly; I came closer to her, held her hands, and looked right into her eyes,


The depth of her eyes was no less than an ocean into which I was ready to dive at any moment,


I can't forget those mesmerizing eyes staring at me with a gleam, and how they proposed to me again silently,


Then my eyes caught a strand of her hair caressing her cheek and forming the shape of a crescent moon at that very moment,


I touched that crescent moon for the very first time in my life and then unknowingly, I learnt the "feel right kinda" definition of love.


The Wedding Moment

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We human beings are known as rare species. We go through many peaks and troughs; we sometimes cherish a moment and sometimes blame it if it doesn't meet our expectations. Many things stay with us for a very long time or maybe for a lifetime. 

It can be an incident, a story, a saying, a song whose melody lingers on even after the song ends, and many other things as well. It simply gets stuck in our subconscious mind on auto-mode, and once it gets into our subconscious mind, it gets glued for a lifetime. 

But sometimes, we get them stuck in our mind consciously because we think that this is the way to keep ourselves delighted; but trust me, IT IS NOT!!! NOT EVERY TIME.

The quote "It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow" is certainly working as one for me, which got stuck in my mind, but I am not sure whether it got stuck consciously or subconsciously in my mind? Although I had read this quote once or twice before, could apprehend it only after watching the movie 'Kabir Singh'. 

There is a scene in the movie Kabir Singh where Shahid Kapoor's father gives him a practical life lesson by saying the above-stated quote. There was nothing extraordinary about that scene; it was simple, yet that scene just took my heart away in a sweet way.

It’s not the goodbyes that hurt, but the flashbacks that follow


Why does it seem so easy to say hello to someone but it takes away our entire world sometimes when it comes to saying goodbye to someone (that special one)? It's not that nobody loves goodbyes; it all depends on who you are saying goodbye to; if that person is really very close to your heart, it seems like a painful one. Because sometimes, goodbyes can be a feeling that comes right from your deepest conscience.

"Sometimes, goodbyes can be like a feeling, a feeling of never-ending rapture, sometimes it can be like a beautiful thought you get at a certain point of time, but when you decide to pen it down, it just vanishes in the air, and then you are left with nothing but just lost for words or maybe dazed".

"And sometimes, goodbyes can be like a mosaic rainbow, you see it not only from your eyes, but also from your heart's eyes, and feel it deeply. At the very same time, you know it will not be there after a while, but still, you do not want it to disappear, yet in the next blink, it just disappears without letting you know".

"Sometimes we never think that we all would see the day where we have to say goodbye to that one person, we never think that day will apparently come where those memories we built together will no longer be built. Sometimes we never think that it is not the goodbye that hurts; it is always the flashbacks, those memories that follow".

It’s not the goodbyes that hurt, but the flashbacks that follow

In a study, it is explained that most time, goodbyes are less painful than flashbacks. That is why when goodbyes come to an end, we try to hold on as much as we can, because sometimes life brings us loads of memories and blesses us to live those memories like a dream, and once those memories become special like we never thought of becoming, we just don't want them to end. 

But goodbyes often come as surprises to most of us, and at that very time we do not know how to react or how to take it; but as time passes, we all learn how to live with it even if we don't want to, we have to.

So try to make every year, every month, every day, every hour, every minute, every goddamn second worthy enough to not regret thereafter. Do not deliberately try to make every moment special, just live in the moment to the fullest as much as you can, give your hundred percent and make those moments special by not actually trying to make them special. Just say and do whatever is in your mind, admit it to the other person with whom you feel things, and you feel happy in a way you never thought of feeling. 

Because we human beings are really very bizarre creatures, we forget to tell so many things to someone or maybe do not tell them knowingly; and when that person goes far away from us, we regret the things which we should have said to them despite any consequences.

It’s not the goodbyes that hurt, but the flashbacks that follow

We all know that life doesn't stop. It is always moving, whether you want it to or not, whether you like it or not. Sometimes, it can hurt you; sometimes, it can make you happy, and sometimes goodbyes do hurt and sometimes they don't. But if it ever hurts you, remember the hurt, because sometimes hurt is all you need to recover from the earlier hurt, and that too, in the right manner. 

And yes, flashbacks do follow us but there comes a time in your life when you realize that turning the page rather than being on the same page is the best feeling in the world because you realize that there is so much more to the book than the page you are stuck on because being on the same page will never help you to finish the book and unravel the whole story.
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I still am my favourite

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नींदें और ख़्वाब

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Last night, the night came to wake me up, knocked hard onto my head when I was lost thinking about the Moon's beauty, and shook me up.

Took me outside, where I heard the sound of the sighing breeze, 

I saw the Moon; I wanted to feel the moonlight on my face, but I ended up feeling its effulgence which left me all dazzled to embrace.

I wanted to touch its glow; I wanted to hug its radiance and wanted to whisper near its beauty that I have written so much about you.

but all I could manage to whisper is that the night came up to me when I was lost in your thoughts and made me meet you in real. 

I felt happy but not satisfied

I left the Moon behind and came back; now I am forcing myself to get lost in her thoughts and hoping that the night will come again and make me meet her in real as well

Is it too much to ask for?

Night? Are you there? I am still waiting...

The night came to wake me up

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My heart was known but now has lost somewhere;
You have gone but those nights are still here,

My heart is naïve but not sinful;
I tried to grasp
some guilt to make it skinful,

My eyes wandered in the search of you so did my soul;
I found you real just by looking at your lovely kohl,

That was so moronic of me but it's not my fault; it was my heart who came to a halt,

My heart asked, was it me or was it you? Did I try or were we through?

I didn't reply and kept quiet; because my inner self was not up for that fight,

My mind said to let her go while my heart said to hold for a second because she has gone but those nights are still here,

I am in a
chimera where I don't know what to do; because I want to do the right thing now but dismally I don't have any clue,

At last, I listened to my mind and now let her go; because those nights are still here and it's time to make a better
of it to grow.

Those nights are still here

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"Remember that happiness is a way of travel – not a destination" - Roy M.Goodman.

Roy M. Goodman said "Remember that happiness is a way of travel – not a destination" and it is undoubtedly a great saying. Happiness, what is happiness? What gets into your mind, when you hear this word? Well, the definition differs from person to person, but in the end, it's all about being satisfied from within; this is what happiness is. Right?

Have you ever thought of discovering more about yourself? Have you ever desired to know more about your inner-being? What does it want? Have you ever tried to seek the answer to your existence of being here?

Travel is the only word bashing into my mind right now if you ask me to epitomize my answer in just one word for all the above-said things. If you are thinking of me as a rover person, then let me make myself clear here that I am not fond of traveling, not at all. I never was, I still am not, and if you are thinking of me as a person who likes to spend his weekend either watching a movie, binge-watching Netflix, or writing something, then you are right. 

Though after taking time off from the mundane life and then vacating some days in Dehradun, I realized that travel is really good for your soul; it felt to me like I am feeding something healthy to my soul, and fueling yourself with something healthy is crucial. Isn't it?

When I landed up in a ravishing city at 5:00 am,


Although after a long, tedious journey of 7 hours, I landed up in the city which is famous for its scenic panorama, enchanting places (Sahastradhara and Robbers Cave – My personal favorite), and scrumptious world cuisine (still cannot get over any of those fancy cafes). Yes, I am talking about none other than Dehradun; there was something peculiar about the weather, but it was unusual, the smell of the air was peculiar. I felt the pleasant breeze on my face (I still feel it when I think about it). Meanwhile, I reached the hotel and made myself rest flatly.

Places I toured and fell in love with them fervently


Due to limited time, I managed to visit very few places in Dehradun, and I feel every place is worth visiting, but out of those, there were some places I loved fervently.


  • Sahastradhara 

Sahastradhara means thousandfold spring, is the best-loved tourist destination in Dehradun. The place has the prowess to make you fall in love with the magnetism of a waterfall. Well, it is commonly believed that water that comes out of this fountainhead has some miraculous effects on the soul. However, I believe the same as those phenomenal touches of the waterfall, that feeling of pureness of water has left some unforgettable splashes on me and made me elated. The place looks so scenic in its own way that clicking a momentous picture becomes vital, so do not forget to take one as I did.


Took Memories, Left Footprints. You Have Now Become A Souvenir Dehradun

  • Robber's Cave

It is such an adventurous place to spend your day with your loved ones. The main reason for visiting such a marvelous place is the aura that place has; it will make you allure with its dark theme (seems like an apt place to shoot spooky videos), and you will definitely be gratified by those pebbles touching your feet underneath the water can make your journey even more mesmerizing. Moreover, most importantly, do not forget to have a bona fide DSLR friend (not a pseudo one) by your side, and do not forget to wear your favy attire, of course, (for a superb click) because this place is worth it.

Took Memories, Left Footprints. You Have Now Become A Souvenir Dehradun.

Because #Dehradundiaries is now more than a hashtag for me.


Those innocent roads and that sea-colored sky still remind me of something. I do not know what exactly they remind me of. There was something extraordinary with their presence that I felt good about; maybe there was something special in the redolence of that place I felt good about. I do not know what that was, but I felt rejuvenated, and that's all I needed at this point in time.

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Hi! I am Shubham Gupta — Being a voracious reader and a neophyte writer and also the owner of this blog. I'll make sure to manifest all my fortuitous experiences with you guys in a declamatory manner.

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